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Big Vase
Graham Potter gives it some after guiding Ostersunds to a big Big Vase victory. And why not? Photograph: Lefteris Pitarakis/AP
Graham Potter gives it some after guiding Ostersunds to a big Big Vase victory. And why not? Photograph: Lefteris Pitarakis/AP

Setting off all manner of alarms and fleeing for dear life

This article is more than 6 years old

Today: Swedish security forces, Craig Shakespeare and U2 pitching in

GRAHAM POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE BIG VASE

This isn’t a tale that normally wins The Fiver many friends in our local, but it has been to Ostersund before, while wandering the bucolic pastures of its misspent youth. After a heavy night of fruit cider-based Tin it opted to stroll round a folk museum in the city, only to stumble upon one of the models on display, send it tumbling, set off all manner of alarms and flee for dear life before a swarm of Swedish security forces pitched up. The exhibit presumably survived in the end, but then The Fiver hasn’t opened any of its bills for some years.

All of which means the success of Ostersund’s football team has sent chills where it should be providing thrills. Nobody would have expected this remote town in the middle of Scandinavia to outdo Istanbul at football but that’s exactly what Ostersunds FK, managed by Englishman Graham Potter, did on Thursday night in knocking Galatasaray out of Big Vase. They have only ever spent one year in Sweden’s top flight; this was a bona fide shock to end them all and the kind of sporting achievement to consign British backpackers’ wanton clumsiness to distant memory. Potter has an MA in Leadership and Emotional Intelligence; possessing the latter quality presumably makes him completely unsuited to the Premier League but there are a number of strings to his bow and if it’s hard to imagine a European powerhouse limbering up for a season by staging a production of Swan Lake, overseen by their manager, then perhaps Potter’s model is one that deserves replicating going forwards.

Perhaps they’ll even have a go at it in Turkey, where Besiktas’s hopes of becoming a Chelsea-esque global powerhouse may have been given a shot in the arm by Gala’s resolute ambition to be Arsenal. In fairness to the Gunners, their tendency is more to be dealt hidings by those demonstrably better than them; Galatasaray have been beaten by a club that, six years ago, were slugging it out in the chilly wilds of Sweden’s regional fourth tier. It has already been a poor European campaign for an established power like Turkey, then; it has been a diabolical one for Scotland too although any jealousy aimed at Ostersunds might be tempered by the fact that opposition from Luxembourg, Fola Esch, await in the next round. No easy games in Europe anymore, as the Pope’s Newc O’Rangers know all too well; Aberdeen did cause a minor ripple of their own on Thursday night by not falling flat on their plate against Bosnia’s Siroki Brijeg and what keeps everyone going at this stage is that somewhere, somehow, a minnow will wriggle through and get a genuine shot at the big time.

You might argue that Ostersunds have already had theirs, taken it, and hit the bullseye. Perhaps a quiet path to glory might suit them from herein; if a moderately bleary Fiver can trash the second-biggest attraction in town, what hope when a thousand Arsenal or Everton supporters stagger in?

QUOTE OF THE DAY

18 July: “While [Ryad Mahrez] is here, while we have no bids – we haven’t had any officially – he has to be committed to the club” – Leicester boss Craig Shakespeare says there’s nothing to see here when asked about his best player’s future.

21 July: “There was a bid from Roma I was told afterwards, so I would like to put the record straight on that one. It was politely declined on the basis that it was a low offer. Of what that offer is, don’t ask me how much because I don’t know and I don’t get involved in that” – ah. Leicester boss Craig Shakespeare says there was something to see but he didn’t know what it was and in any case had nothing to do with it anyway.

Wahey! Photograph: Marcio Rodrigo Ferreira Machado/Getty Images for Liverpool FC

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FIVER LETTERS

“If Stuart Manley thought Craig Bellamy was ‘a bit of a horrible git’ on the football pitch, wait till he discovers what he’s allegedly like with a golf club” – Ed Taylor.

“Jozy Altidore’s uncomfortable encounter with an El Salvadoran defender [yesterday’s Quote of the Day]. How exactly are the 1,057 lonely pedants supposed to respond to the topic of girlfriend biting and n!pple twisting? I have little doubt but that the majority possess the requisite body parts and some interest in the process. But the girlfriend part – that may be a challenging hurdle for most Fiver subscribers” – Mike Wilner (and no other happily married Fiver readers).

“Re Tom Broadbent being shot at while listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers: was Nick Cave lurking nearby at the time?” – Tim Grey

“Where is Noble Francis when we need him? Juankar has left Braga for Malaga” – Adam Hookway.

“I reckon my ratio of letters I send to The Fiver that get published is about 4:1. It got me thinking about everyone’s favourite contributor to The Fiver’s letters section – the one and only Noble Francis. I’m curious as to Noble Francis’s approximate ratio? Pretty sure I once saw a single Fiver in which Mr Francis had three different letters published. And, will The Fiver be publishing a collection of Noble Francis’s unpublished letters – a ‘director’s cut’ if you will? I should probably get a life, shouldn’t I?” – Dan Makeham.

Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Dan Makeham (if only to encourage him to now get a life).

BITS AND BOBS

It turns out Fifa head honcho Gianni Infantino was being investigated by Fifa’s Naughtiness Committee over election expenses before he arranged for the head of said committee to be ushered elsewhere.

“We’re not a buying club!” barked Jürg … ah sorry, let’s try that again. “We’re not a selling club!” barked Jürgen Klopp when revealing that Liverpool knocked back a £72m bid from Barça for Philippe Coutinho.*

‘Buy it, sell it / The game’s gettin’ hard …’ Photograph: Andrew Powell/Liverpool FC via Getty Images

“Calum Chambers gonna change your mind,” is the song being sung by Frank de Boer, as the Crystal Palace manager closes in on bringing the Arsenal defender to Selhurst Park, helped by the Kings of Leon. Possibly.

Kurt Zouma has signed a six-year deal at Chelsea and immediately been bundled out of the Stamford Bridge door marked Do One For A Bit Or At Least Until We Know We Haven’t Been Daft And Overlooked A Really Good Young Player to go on loan at Stoke.

Javier Manquillo, who was on loan at Sunderland last season, has joined Newcastle from Atlético Madrid for £4.5m. “I just knew that I had to come here, to such a big club,” he honked.

On the off chance you actually give a flying one about pre-season friendlies in which pointlessly premature conclusions can be drawn, Manchesters City and United had a kickabout last night. Here’s how it went.

After said meaningless kickabout Pep Guardiola went Peak Pep when drooling over whizz-kid Phil Foden. “I don’t have words. I would like to have the right words to describe what I saw. You are lucky guys, believe me, you are the guys who saw his first game in the first team. I’ve not seen something like I saw today for a long time. His performance was another level.”

And U2 have forked out £80,000 to help pay for damage caused to Hertha Berlin’s pitch after Bono’s warbling led to some serious stomping at the Olympiastadion. This means Liverpool can now play a meaningless friendly there. Woo!

* Thanks to loyal reader Johnny Connelly for collaborating on the Klopp bob.

THE RECAP

Sign up and receive the best of Big Website’s coverage, every Friday, it says here. Seems to be a curious lack of mentions for The Fiver …

STILL WANT MORE?

Viitorul Constanta, the club Gheorghe Hagi formed eight years ago, have won the Romanian title and are about to enter Big Cup. So how has he done it? Nick Ames got his chat on with the man himself to find out.

Gheorghe Hagi celebrating Viitorul Constanta’s title win, earlier. Photograph: Daniel Mihailescu/AFP/Getty Images

Chelsea’s new star signing Álvaro Morata needs to unleash his inner Diego Costa, tootles floating football brain in a jar Jonathan Wilson, even if he’s unlikely to act “like an Edwardian villain seeking an innocent maiden to bind to the railway tracks”. Phew.

Tim Froh explains why clubs in the USA! USA!! USA!!! are ditching American-sounding names such as Clash, Burn and Wizards for yer more common or garden European-style “Uniteds”.

The Rumour Mill’s still churning while the world is turning, and though it didn’t start the fire, it does tell us that Arsenal and Tottenham are both sniffing around Man City teenager Jadon Sancho and that Roma want Riyad Mahrez

Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!

SOCKING IT TO THEM

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